Various Articles on mind-body healing, mindfulness, and other topics

GET REAL: Findinig The Way Back to Your True Self

Every day we are told to be something that is largely dictated by what others want us to be, think or feel. If we carry around too much weight, we are told whose diet to follow. If we are unfulfilled, Oprah will tell us her secret to fulfillment. Women are told how to shape, mold, carve, eliminate, enhance in order to attract. Men are encouraged to drive a certain car or truck depending on the image he wants to portray.

And the list goes on

As long as we keep our sites focused on the external, we will be faced with a constant inner nagging of unfullfillment.

The Dalai Lama once remarked:

"When I come to the United States, I am always baffled at how, in a land of such wealth, opportunity and resources, the majority of you are so miserable. In fact, the United Stated, with all it has, is one of the saddest counties I visit!"

HHHMMMM. We do indeed have it all, yet we keep looking for more!

Here are some quotes from folks who have gone before:

Every man has his own destiny; the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him. ~ Henry Miller (1891-1980), American author, in The Wisdom of the Heart

Become him who you are! ~ Pindar (522 BC-443 BC), Greek Poet, quoted by Hollingdale in Nietzsche

As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832), German poet, dramatist, novelist, and scientist.

We have lost that trust in ourselves. We have subsequently turned to an external source to define, describe, exhort, threaten, seduce and mold us into something that may not always reflect what it is we truly are.

Some tips:

  1. Speak with your own voice. Take time to get to know what it is you think and feel. Too often we silence ourselves out fear: 1) That others will not like what we have to say and: 2) therefore will not like us. In other words: APPROVAL
  2. Take time to explore what your role/purpose is in this life of yours. I recently saw a sign that said "If you had no fear, what you you do?" So take fear out of the equation and see what is there. That is usually your passion and purpose. Well?
  3. What you have to say is what YOU have to say. Your are not responsible for how others wish to react to it. Work at not being so afraid of simply being present in your life. Others may struggle with this at times. Let them struggle
  4. If you find yourself getting defensive it is usually because a person and/or situation has challenged your prized external self; that part that you want the rest of the world to think of you. try this: Say thank you to the person and/or situation that triggered your defensive reaction. You have just been given a wonderful opportunity to dropping the image you want to protect and get back to being more your real self
  5. Too often we have settled for a manufactured image of what we allow the world to see. Becoming authentic means bringing the external (what the world sees) self and the internal (what it is you know to be true about yourself ) closer together
  6. Being real, just being OK with the person you ARE. No longer putting as much energy into living your life from a prescribed role, expectation, image and other defined demands.
  7. Being authentic means being flexible with your life. Watch the demands you put on others and yourself. Let yourself give and take with a sense of patience and compassion with yourself and others.

When we are not allowing ourselves to be authentic, we create a huge rift between ourselves and everyone and everything around us. The world then begins too feel threatening and we begin to react out of fear. Becoming authentic invites us to relax, take a deep breath and trust that who we are is really aright and NOT dependent upon what others think of us.

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The three A's: A better way to get along

Here are some tips to help you find a better way to respond in all your relationships: home, friends, work.

It is what I call the 3 A's: Acknowledge, Acceptance, Appreciation

To acknowledge is the simple yet powerful act of paying attention to the person. Acknowledge with eye contact, touch, a nod, a smile. Most acknowledging is done non-verbally. So what is it your are saying to the person non-verbally?

Accepting is how you accept a person just as they are. They may be angry, sad, confused, happy, proud. Accepting means just being in their presence accepting how they think and feel, without trying to change, manipulate, control. Generally people do not want to be told what to do, corrected, criticized, have their conversation taken away and focused on something, someone else.

There is a wonderful saying by the author Anais Ninn:

  • "We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are."

So try to kee your interest on what the other person is saying.

Appreciation calls us to embrace that what the person is saying is important to them. It may or may not be important to us, we may not fully understand, yet to appreciate that what she is saying is important to her.

Remember that whenever a person is talking they are talking because what they are saying is important to them and they simply want to be acknowledged, accepted to think and feel as they do, and appreciated that you get it.

 

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by R & T